by Eileen 配仪

Funnies

On the herbal water used for bathing:

“Of course they will say it is good. No one will sell their products and tell you that it is not good.*pause* Anyway, I don’t believe in all this. If that were the case, all the ang mos have rheumatism already and die liaos. They don’t practice confinement at all! It is only an Asian practice.”

On the funny things said in the delivery room made me get out of the self-pitying mood for a short while. Nothing funny happened in the delivery room when I gave birth. Mr TCM was encouraging and supportive and got me lots of food until the nurse stopped us. He even gave me his hand to squeeze but I preferred his shirt. What a guy! And to think I glared at him when he tried to feed me milo after being loopy from drugs. 😐

by Eileen 配仪

Photography

This bride on craigslist complained about the cost of wedding photography.

I am surprised she complained about the cost of the photographer when the other costs are much higher. My opinion has always been that a wedding party is not worth it. An expensive honeymoon is not worth it. Money can be spent on the newly wed’s mortgage. Money from an expensive honeymoon is better used on a string of inexpensive short trips or on date nights.

A good photographer is always worth the money he is paid. A friend with an expensive camera does not produce the same quality of shoot generally. What I mean is a good shot every time. A picture freezes a good moment. A poor photographer is likely to miss many moments. Not just that – a poor photographer’s work lack art. A wedding photographer is expected not to miss moments and to take great shots every time. He or she will definitely cost a lot.

A wedding is for me, an excuse to hire a good photographer. My only regret is that there are too many portraits and pictures of me. If I have the option I would not bother with portraits. I would like to see what he sees.

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by Eileen 配仪

How cloth diapering is a bit like home ownership

Mr TCM is more environmentally and health conscious – he prefers cloth diapers because it doesn’t create a lot of trash and it is better for baby’s skin. I imagined it must be cheaper to cloth diaper because every site that advocates clothing diapering talks about the cost.

It struck me that I probably need to do my own guesstimates before investing in the expensive modern diapers. Baby’s going to be in cloth for a minimum of 12mths and maximum of 18mths. (Child/Infant care centres don’t do cloth diapers.) Most computations are estimates from birth to potty training. Plus, expensive diapers are not often sold second hand. So, my savings may not be that great.

Using the estimates from diaperingdecisions.com and assuming that I need 24 diapers and 4 AIOs, I made some calculations.

It turns out that cost savings differs a lot, depending on the cloth diapering option. The pocket diapers cost more than prefolds. If baby is going to be in pocket diapers for 12 months, it cheaper to buy disposables. If prefolds and covers are the way to go, I see savings only if I’m going for the cheap priced disposables.

If he is going to be in pocket diapers for 18 mths pocket diapers, I see only savings only if I use medium or high priced disposables. Cheap priced disposables still win out compared with pocket diapers. I see clear savings if I choose prefolds.

Pocket diapering will only shows savings if baby is going to use disposables up to 2 years. Prefolds show between 38-70% savings if used full time.

Since cloth diapers will only be used at night and on weekends. I suppose there will be some minor savings – not a great deal. A hoped for second child will inherit the system with minor replacement costs for wear and tear, so more savings could be had.

So yeah, I will go with the prefolds. It is not less convenient to wash or fold them into covers. With prefolds however, there is a tendency to want to buy more than what I need because I think I’m saving heaps, or buy accessories like wetbags. (Although I think I might need one or two for us to transport the dirty diapers home from the nanny’s.)

This reminds me of the rent vs buy calculator on NYTimes. I’ve always assumed it is always cheaper to buy than rent – well I’m chinese and chinese like property ownership. It turns out, that is not always true. Home ownership is only cheaper over the long term. Kind of like cloth diapers.

by Eileen 配仪

More on cake

Even though I don’t like decorations on cakes (I don’t like inedible stuff), this blogger has really beautiful cakes and beautiful photography. If I have money, however, I would ask her to make butter cakes for Chinese New Year.  (There is a doubt. I don’t understand the soft, fluffy texture that she seems so keen on. I like heavy, moist cakes. Softness is meant for beds and bears.) My Chinese New Year tradition is to have tea in the morning. Tea means milk tea, pineapple tarts and butter cake.

  • The only tea I have is the Russian Earl Grey
  • I can’t have pineapple tarts because that is the emperor’s edict
  • I do not have a butter cake.

I don’t mind the Russian Earl Grey substitution. I think I can sub the pineapple tarts for say shortbread. If I really need some sweetness, apricot jam on the cookie could do it. Not perfect but acceptable. The only problem I have is the cake. Sara Lee is denser than most but not buttery. Most bakeries in shopping malls like this fluffiness in butter cakes and a distinct lack of buttery flavour in their cakes. Ugh. The closest substitute I can think of is a fruit cake but that can only be found during Christmas.

p.s: While I think her cakes are beautiful, I love her office more. Isn’t it beautiful?

by Eileen 配仪

Have vs Have nots and on signalling cooperation

This old letter (Diary of a Reformed Elitist) came up recently in my fb feed. On first read I think, wow, they are wondering why we are poor, and I wonder how they got rich. On further thinking, it reflects generally the world we are in.

Haves (those who are rich or have some innate abilities) do get offered a lot more exposure and opportunities. Conditioned by such an environment, it is natural for Haves to think that anyone can just reach out to grab the chance. Have Nots (everyone else) generally are given less exposure and opportunities. So the Haves won’t understand why the Have Nots don’t help themselves and the Have Nots don’t understand how they got so rich.

Actually, this letter reminds me of reading an article on overcoming bias that people who have innate abilities will say stuff like ‘do what you love’ because for them the cost of switching is low. In this instance, the cost of switching to this view is very low and it allows the holder of this view to signal compassion – a virtue. A person who is less well to do and requires a lot of cooperation from others to ensure that their livelihood is not threatened will not hold views that without empathy or compassion even if given continual evidence to show that there are opportunities to be taken. The cost of switching to a less compassionate view will take away the cooperation that is required to defend his livelihood. So when you see particularly compassionate people on discussion forums and newsgroups getting angry about the lack of empathy and compassion in the community is really just another signal to create a ‘us vs them’ culture.

by Eileen 配仪

Hypnobirthing

There is a book I have been meaning to read in preparation for labour Hyponobirthing : The Breakthrough Approach to Safer, Easier, Comfortable Birthing by Marie Mongan. I never come around to it because it sounds rather boring. Instead I go to the forums to find out the basic techniques.

The idea is quite simple and it is a little like how I deal with leg cramps. I always get leg cramps in my sleep when it is slightly cooler. In the past I would wake in a panic and try to massage it away. The key I discover, is to completely relax. The quicker it is I relax, the quicker the cramps go away. In hypnobirthing techniques you condition yourself to relax. I am not so sure that it results in a pain free labour but I think the sense of calm and control helps to not to increase the experience of pain rather than actually raising pain threshold.

Another thing I learn from the forum is affirmations for birth. It is repeat to yourself what you want to come true.

For instance:

      My baby and my body know what to do.
      I am calm and joyful about my birthing experience.
      I am relaxed, happy and at ease at the birthing of my baby.
      My baby works with my body for a smooth easy birth.
      I am confident and secure to handle whatever comes up.
      I breath correctly to eliminate tension.
      My baby is healthy and fully developed at birth.

I do feel less apprehension about the labour experience after writing these down. The situationist talks about values affirmation which made me think that the reason why affirmations work is because the focus on belief takes away stress and reinforces willpower.

I suppose this is why religion works: the belief and focus on values helps to manage a stressful life. Interesting.