I was seized by a strange feeling of urgency these 2 days. It felt like stress. I started to worry about some work that I am not assigned to and not doing. As a reaction to that anxiety I started to obsess over a bag that I was convinced that I need. It is as if I was pressed for timelines yet I am exhausted and getting very confused by the rapid yet very minor changes to slides. (That happens a lot.)

Thing is, I have been on medical leave and not paying any attention to the office going ons at all. I have not worked since I was admitted to the hospital.

A friend of mine expressed amazement that I truly have no desire to turn on the work machine and check my mails or reply to messages. I don’t want to. I also can’t – I can’t sit or stand for long. I will need a lie down to avoid swelling after being on my feet.

I wonder if this is part of decompression. My brain is trying to hold on to this anxiety because it is used to it.