Category / Misc

by Eileen 配仪

Rewind, play again.

Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?

He was almost retiring – 2 years away. I imagine him hurrying towards it encouraging himself as if a runner in another marathon. Almost there – put up with the stress and health issues a bit longer.

The news flew in from all directions that he was hit by a large vehicle. By the afternoon I saw someone post a RIP on Facebook. He was a boss of another unit next to me. I knew him but not as a friend.

How would he have answered before the accident? Would he have said, no, I don’t want to relive any day. I want my days to pass by quicker so that I can breath a sigh of relief. Or perhaps relive a younger time? Or perhaps he would be neutral – neither looking forward nor looking behind.

My mom was hit by colon cancer. It became quite aggressive and she passed about 6 months after her surgery. She did regret working a lot but when she didn’t know she had cancer and we were talking about her retirement, it didn’t sound to me like she wanted to stop working. She didn’t want to travel alone so when she could she went with family and friends. She sings karaoke weekly. She hangs out with grandchildren. So mom did do some of the stuff she likes. If she had more time she would do more of it but it wasn’t the lack of time I think. All of it requires a number of people to agree to do it at that time. Eg the karaoke could be more frequent but then who would do it? Same thing for travel and other stuff. The established routine was once a week and that fit in with her work. She enjoyed the socializing at the petrol kiosk that she worked at. That was the only socializing she could do almost daily.

Thinking about this I am wondering would I redo a part of my life again. I don’t know. I might say yes. I might go back and tell my mom and tell this ex boss, you will die at age XX. From cancer. From an accident. From some thing or other. Stop making trade offs. But what shall I do, they might ask me after they have hit, cursed and swore at me.

Buy bitcoin. Buy apple. Buy Nvidia, I will say. Not with all your money because this Just buy a bit in case it tanks. Watch out for traffic and strange pains. And best of luck.

by Eileen 配仪

More on being an Adult

I have been having difficulties being a parent to one of my kids. He is 12 and so beyond me I am at a lost – we are at a lost. It is a totally alien space.

I am wondering if I parented him wrongly because of some childhood trauma.

I googled and empowering parents said that I should not feel guilty or accept responsibilities for the difficulties he is facing. After all we all learn to get around our difficulties. If he is working on it and trying I can appreciate and support – but if he is not?

by Eileen 配仪

Notes: Freedom within boundaries

A retirement advice thrown about is one needs to retire to something.

From Will Storr’s book, The Status Game:  Kids, raised by parents who treat their kids as precious and equals of themselves, lack sense of security, respect, humility and were delicate and fragile.

Sole proprietors tell me that it is hard to be self disciplined and structure your day. Self studying is harder because of the lack of discipline.

In my own parenting experience, too much freedom from expectations creates bad behaviours in my kids. 

Creativity and innovation is a response to boundary testing. Structure in our lives is a type of boundary. Is boundary what we crave? 

by Eileen 配仪

For Leisure

Online diarists and journalists have fallen from the face of the earth. I no longer know of any blogger, vlogger, who is not trying to monetise their interest. I wish there are blogroll rings I could join just to read. 

by Eileen 配仪

Clearing Old Emails

My reading habits, my writing style, my occasional gloom, my curiosity, my little pats on the back, my long (pointless) conversations about things that annoy me, my childishness, my curiosity and friendliness to strangers on the internet, my hoarding of chat history, random chats with old timer bloggers. Nothing has changed. The blog address did change however.

Husband of mine asked to read my blog – I didn’t know that he didn’t know that I’ve got one. I just have too much mental meanderings written down everywhere – notes, email diaries, paper diaries, learning journals, work diaries, mentoring diaries. What a huge mess to get rid off when I am off from this realm. Do I delete them all now? I did purge all diaries once and regret it occasionally, although I am unsure what it is that I regret.