Author / Eileen 配仪

by Eileen 配仪

History

Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

I never thought I would stop loving Grahame Greene, honestly. He was my first real love. I had an earlier “boyfriend” John Irving. Irving was a middle school romance. I was attracted to how funny he was. I was smitten by his jokes and how absurd he makes everything seem. I hung around Irving’s friends like Kurt Vonnegut and Gunter Grass and pretended to laugh at their jokes and filled their beers when they cried. I never really did clicked with the three of them. Vonnegut I could never get – his jokes were not funny. Grass was sooooooo super cool. Always bringing his pets or toys around – a dog, cat, fish, drum. I loved being part of the cool crowd. At the height of my coolness, Grass introduced me to Thomas Mann. I felt so fancy when I met Mann. He was suave, cool, handsome, funny but never overly cerebrel as if one of those Oxbridge people who have the mythical combination of bright, smart, kind and funny. It was disappointing I wasn’t invited back after a few times. I suppose I wasn’t cool enough.

I was totally obsessed with Graham Greene. I have forgotten how we met. There was no big moment. No meet cute. Just a book store and random really there are so many others, you know. Definitely nothing in romance novels or “that it was fate that drew us together”. I didn’t think it would be a lengthy love affair and such an obsession. I even flirted Dostoevsky when we drifted apart. (So worldly wise and so trustworthy. Over the years, Dostoevsky and I became good friends. I cannot always understand what he says when he rambles on but when I need some sorting out, Dostoevsky answers my telephone calls. ) I also remember another in between guy Thomas Hardy. (So many Thomases!) I stuck to Hardy for quite a long while. But throughout this time, it was only Greene who filled my soul. I was drawn to his melancholy, his inner drama. Greene drove to the hilt my intellect and emotions. There was no drama, no shouting, no declarations of love. Just a quiet intensity of emotions. When he dropped me, I was devastated.

Margaret Atwood rallied around. We drank tea and talked about men. Later, I must have been introduced to Peter Carey by someone. He was brilliant – too brilliant. I called Dostoevsky and this time, it was a voice message. Over time, peace and calmness returned. I no longer think about Greene at all. I wonder at myself why the intensity then.

Lately I’ve met a mentor Hilary Mantel. She is so experienced being in the corridors of power. She terrifies me actually. Once you get into the boardroom, she knows your P/L and Balance Sheet, not only your secrets but the secrets of others and she knows how to use them. She is at the same time empathetic yet cunning. 100% scary. I can never have long sessions with her. I don’t tell her about Greene when I talk to her. She has already known and dismissed him.

(I gave away a full collection of Greene’s books a few years ago.)

by Eileen 配仪

Fiscal Year End Review

What could you do differently?

In recent years, I’ve been summing up my full year spend. Predictabiy, I decide that figure is not to my liking and  that I have overspent. Invariably, I will put up effort to start the next year afresh, avowing to spend only x amount on toiletries  and food. I will also avow to take lesser taxi rides.

By the next year end, summing all my purchases of things and experiences, I will be aghast that spending lesser did not happen – my spend did not actually decrease.

By mid year, I have forgotten this vague promise to spend less. I replaced my devices. Signed up for art classes. More art materials. Etc. At the end of the year, after PSLE, I went feasting from one place to another without thinking much about it other than, oh, exam’s over, let’s tie our hair up and gorge. It wasn’t just restaurants. It was also random hawker center eating out just because. I don’t even remember some of these meals. 

If I were a better person, I would not bother with those vague promises. I would try to be more intentional with my spend. I doubt. I already detailed in Sheet5           that  my skincare budget consists of making flower water for toner.

by Eileen 配仪

What if Mervyn Bragg dies?

I googled and saw that In Our Time program began broadcasting on BBC  in 1998 in October. I was in Uni then, says so my LinkedIn – I should be listening to a lot of Radio National and Triple J so it can’t be that time frame. It is possibly later when I discover BBC Radio 4 radio comedies – when I started work and was missing radio programs I use to hear on RN. 

He retired 3 Sept and since then I’ve been wondering what will happen to In Our Time. In 2012, Alan Saunders passed away and The Philosopher’s Zone was never the same. I listened to him when he did the Comfort Zone and moved onto Philosopher’s zone. I love and miss radio programs that are done just because the personality was interested in a particular thing. Podcasts are not quite the same – somehow podcasts seem more needy. Always begging for subscription, always trying to grab the space in the conversation and the laughter, goodness, always rambunctious. The radio presenters never try to take over the personality of the interviewee. The pace is never attention grabbing or rushing towards a goal even if there is one.

Local radio is as needy as podcasts – always asking listeners to vote, to send whatsapp , always asking listeners to look at their social media presence. There is a time and space for talk radio. It makes it interesting to allow listeners a voice. However,  I wish they would have more programs with interesting content that has nothing to do with money, weather, politics, news or traffic.

by Eileen 配仪

Art Practice 4/5, 5/6

Last day of class for Basic Watercolour. The more I moved through the lesson pieces which were really hard for me, I noticed they pushed me to another level of skill.

We were to submit 2 out of 3 that we did. I picked the peaches and this watermelon. The cupcakes felt stiff and unnatural so I did not pick it. Everyone else picked the watermelon. I had wanted to ask the teacher why mine looked cartoony. I didn’t know how to describe cartoony to the teacher so I didn’t. He had mentioned a number of times that art is not a facsimile of the scene or the picture but I can’t get it. He said the form is more important than the texture and I also couldn’t get it. I frankly still don’t get what watercolour art is – he said botanical art is mostly drawing and illustration.

I start the intermediate class next week. I am starting to see that he is right – I should take a break in between classes. for one I can have a rest. A second reason is that I can do some of those that I enjoy.

I did a drawing together with Scott Maier. As the drawing emerges, he explains the artistic decisions he takes and untangles my confusion about the level of detail needed, what to bring forward, what to push back. That makes a big difference in understanding what I am trying to do in watercolour. He untangled my confusion about detail and texture and it is this – our brain naturally seeks patterns. We only need to create suggestions and allow our brain to make the connection. This suggestion is form craved out by light and shadows. By squinting and removing these details, we see a simplified version of what we are trying to paint and makes the job easier.

by Eileen 配仪

Art Practice 27/4, 20/4 and 13/4

These were painted part of my class homework for the NAFA Watercolour homework pieces. They were hard. Really hard – I threw away a number of practice pieces before getting to this and yet I still didn’t like what I did.

I want a higher level of realism which my art teacher has pointed out a few times that realism is not the point of watercolour paintings.

I have been mulling through this on and off: what is the realism that I am chasing after. Is it a copy of the picture?

When I was learning music, my music teacher gave me recording of a piece as reference. When I returned the following week and played it, she commented that I was able to produce a facsimile of her playing. I remembered that she said I was to express the musical feeling of the piece and not to copy her playing.

My artistic ability is shallow and all I can do at the moment is to try to match the picture. I don’t know what I should do if I am not suppose to copy the picture.

Funny – I felt pleased enough about the pear to state it on my blog and it now looks childish. For these, the only good thing I can say about them is that I have made some progress and I can pass up homework.

by Eileen 配仪

Art Practice 31/3

I really like what I did. I felt I broke through something and made a proper watercolour. I was faithfully trying to capture all the marks pear and it was starting to look stiff and plastic. I suddenly decided to just paint faster. I basically stopped looking at the details and started doing squiggly lines and dabbing it away. Colour wise, I painted a last layer of brighter green. These moves made the pear suddenly come alive.

Frankly I don’t really know what I did but it made a big difference to the whole thing.