I had a horrible revelation that my oldest is taking PSLE this year. The kind of revelation that involves a friend kindly advising me that I need to schedule block leave during PSLE. I search for some advice on study timetable. I was shocked by the timetable to study for 5 hours after school with dinner and 15min breaks in between. I honestly don’t recall studying that much in primary or secondary school. I did work through assessments but it wasn’t 5 hours of working. I don’t think that is feasible to burn out at primary school level.

Looking through the school’s instagram account, I saw they gave the P6 张德人 a wonderful send off on results day regardless of their results. It was a nice hurrah for the hard work they put in.

Had a grisly moment today in which I lost my daughter in the thronging crowds.

I called & called her pet name. Nothing. My head stopped functioning. I despaired, I was broken. It was a struggle to remain present.

We crossed a road. She was right behind me. My son & I shared my raincoat in the light drizzle. She had her own… She has a streak of randomness. I can’t figure out her logic. She could be ahead, in the shopping mall. She could have run back across the road. She could have walked back to the train station. She could be anywhere. She was no where.

My son suggested that we try to move a little further ahead.

And there she was. Standing, looking for us.

And my world & self functioned again.

I listened to her for half an hour, about her broken leg, about how he had nothing in his file, and how he didn’t get his exam paper signed.

My eyes weep water like a wound that has scabbed over.

C screamed and sobbed. It was more than an hour now. Before this, she was happy, doing word play in the bath. “Mama?”, she would call from her tub. “Ya?”, I would reply looking in.
“Papaya,” she said, “Papaya. Mamaya.”
So incredibly cute.

We ruled out hunger, obvious physical discomfort and fever. B took her for a walk. I could hear her screams floating up to our flat. A came out from the bedroom just in time to hear the screaming. “Can you hear Mei Mei?” I asked. “She’s crying.” He looked concerned, “I want Daddy”.
“Daddy’s with Mei Mei for a walk. Mei Mei is upset. Why is Mei Mei upset?”
“I want Daddy.”

I carried A – his shoes were in the car – and we went down for a walk. I tried not to heave but he’s getting heavy. Her distressed wail floated by. It seem from everywhere and nowhere. We found them finally. She was sobbing so hard, she got sleepy from the effort. A wore a look of distress. “Daddy carry A.” We went over to pat her back to distract him.

At home, all of us sat on my bed while she cried. What is it? We never did find out. It could be teeth because when I asked if her mouth hurts. She cried harder sitting on my lap. A came in, hobbling with a toy racket. “Old man,” he declared of himself. She laughed. We fussed over A who got his sister to stop crying.

I took a nap. In the living room, the kids shriek and laugh. B was making rules for a new game.

Later, I woke up to cover a red velvet cake box cake with frosting. Now it’s not the time to bake from scratch. The timing tests out there that says it’s not much quicker. They forgot skill. Not everybody can knock one up.